Many of you know that I have recently moved from Hume Lake and taken a new job. What some of you may not know is that my “real” new job is top secret. As a token of gratitude to the millions of loyal fans who check this site daily, I will share this classified information, but you must promise to keep it on the down-low. (Well, you can tell other people ONLY if they promise not to tell anyone else.)
The truth of the matter is that a privately-funded organization has hired me as a superhero. In order to conceal my secret identity when I am in the public eye, I have to wear glasses as well as wear my underwear under my pants. I have also had to behave in a less-than macho way…pretending to not know how anything about cars, using a luffa in the shower, and not going to the gym. As you might guess, it has been a big adjustment for me. But, I understand the importance of anonymity in this line of work.
In order to save the lives of those who are dying to know what my supername and superpowers are, I can unfortunately only give you a few hints:
- Although very super, the word “super” is not in my supername.
- I work alone. (The Sidekick’s Union has been on strike since I’ve been on the job.)
- I’m a human, raised by humans.
If you haven’t guessed it, just pay close attention to the evening news.
I hope this news will help each one of you rest in peace tonight.